Brockwatch: Lesnar Is A Medical Miracle, Will Return This Summer

(Nice try diverticulosis, but no dice.)

Canadian socialized medicine may have tried to kill Brock Lesnar or at least end his career, but after an agonizing few weeks the big man “healed [him]self” and will return this summer to face the winner of the Shane Carwin-Frank Mir fight.  This is what we learned during Lesnar’s appearance on “Sportscenter” today. 

Sitting beside Dana White and wearing a t-shirt laden with all the usual sponsors (Fusion Ammo, Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches, etc.), Lesnar explained the entirety of his long medical odyssey from an early misdiagnosis to a collapse in Canada that left him at the mercy of lousy Canuck doctors, to his return to the U.S. where good old American doctors prepared to put him under the knife to fix his diverticulosis, which would have cursed him with a colostomy bag and ended his career.  But, after laying for days on end in the hospital and losing forty pounds, he went to get a second opinion, which also called for surgery. 

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Lesnar went home, returned to the gym and put some weight back on, and when he came back to the hospital on January 5 it was, “a miracle; they were dumbfounded.  They couldn’t find any signs of any problems in my stomach.”

So there it is, the amazing recovery of Brock Lesnar, thanks to the power of positive thinking, a change in diet, and, according to Dana White, “some holistic stuff.”  No thanks at all to the Canadians.

Of course DW did not miss a chance to plug UFC 111 in March, saying that Lesnar is still the UFC heavyweight champ (“Let’s be clear about that,” added Brock) and will face the winner of Carwin-Mir.  However, if anything should “happen” to the winner of that bout, then Lesnar will take on the victor in the UFC 110 bout between Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Cain Velasquez.  Basically, whoever is left standing in the heavyweight division with a win in their last fight, they get a shot at Lesnar’s title.

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At least the champ will be coming back, and not relegated to sitting on the couch with a colostomy bag stuck to his hip, watching hunting shows on satellite TV for the rest of his life.  It’s a miracle.