It’s no hyperbole to say that today’s UFC 158 conference call was possibly the greatest UFC conference call in the history of UFC conference calls. Nick Diaz, who is not known for civility or brevity in the first place, was in particularly batshit form, going off on aimless rants about his “pampered” opponent, and complaining about how he’s not nearly as recognized as he should be, except for when random soccer moms are shouting abuse at him on the streets of Lodi.
At times, Georges St. Pierre was provoked into what sounded like legitimate anger, but he still had trouble getting a word in when Diaz was filibustering, which was pretty much the whole time. (In conference calls, as in MMA, Diaz is a volume striker.) Meanwhile, Johny Hendricks waited patiently for his opportunity to deliver heartfelt lines like “it is what it is” and “take it fight by fight, day by day.”
We can only hope St. Pierre and Diaz’s actual match on March 16th can live up to how incredible this thing was. Check out the full audio above, and join us as we count down the greatest lines of the afternoon…
15. “My life’s a mess. I’m not afraid to admit it. I work hard regardless, through this shit, but I don’t have people toweling me off and handing me water bottles left and right, and getting my training paid for me. I’ve got to do all that shit on my own, and every day I know it, and that’s why I know I have to go that much harder, and concentrate, and do that much more, because I don’t have people taking care of my money or financial tax obligations, or what have you…I’m too busy fighting all your fights, I’m too busy entertaining all the fans. I don’t see anybody else bringing shit to the table.” — Diaz
14. “I think it’s disrespectful that people try to act like I’m not important. You know who I am. Everybody knows who I am. Georges knows who I am. And I know that if I were in his position, I would especially know who I am. Especially. Number one. First and foremost.” — Diaz
13. “Are you listening to yourself, Nick? Listen to yourself a little bit.” — St. Pierre
12. “I don’t know what he’s going through with the whole ‘dark side,’ or where he comes from, or whatever. I know where the fuck I come from. I don’t have to dredge up some bullshit to get everybody excited.” — Diaz
11. “I don’t get a lot of recognition for what I’ve set out to do here…Nobody knows who I am. I mean I guess everybody does, but as far as like your mainstream magazines and your Nike, Adidas, and all your good stuff, you know, I’m left out of that, and uh, that’s too bad for…hello? Are you there?” — Diaz
10. “I never tweet once in my life. I have people doing it for me…I’m not into the social media at all. Unfortunately.” — St. Pierre
9. “I don’t care if there’s a camera crew in the backseat of my car. I could give a shit. I just don’t like when I’m not ready for it and don’t know about it. You’ve got Georges, and someone is over there powdering his nose out, and send[ing] him off for a video shoot. He’s got someone making a Twitter for him. Now he don’t even know how to talk and act right. He’s got people living his life for him in the public.” — Diaz
8. “Everybody wants to know what Georges thinks and what Georges says, and wants to look like how Georges looks, and wear tight shorts like Georges, and get strong, and forget about jiu-jitsu, forget about boxing, let’s do a Superman punch like Georges. Fuck mixed martial arts. Fuck the martial arts aspect, and jiu-jitsu, and where the fuck did you come from, who the fuck gave you your black belt, I think that guy deserves more credit. Whatever. If you want your disrespect, there it is right there.” — Diaz
7. “Let me tell you something, uneducated fool. Listen to me. [Diaz begins to go nuts in the background.] I have not always been rich. I start from the bottom. I made myself, I work very hard to be where I am right now. I know you don’t believe this, because you didn’t succeed yet, and maybe you will never succeed in your life because I don’t think you’re smart enough to understand how you should do to reach that point.” — St. Pierre. He then went on to explain the concept of passive income.
6. “I don’t understand half of the words that you are saying, because your English is… I speak English better than you, man. Talk to me like a normal human being, man.” — St. Pierre
5. “I deserve to get beat down? That’s what you said, right? Who the fuck are you? You know what, honestly, straight up, I don’t believe you deserve to get beat down. I don’t think that. I don’t want anybody to get beat down. I’d like to win the fight. You’re over here you know me, don’t you, you know me real well, you know I deserve to get beat down…I seriously believe that you told that to the cameras, so you believe that I deserve to be beat down…You’re making those statements to the whole world that I am this piece of shit that deserves to be beat down. Then you let Dana talk like I’m the most disrespectful person that you’ve ever met and I deserve to take an ass-whooping and you’re going to beat the shit out of me? And you let him say that?” — Diaz
4. “We’ll go to our next question from Ariel Hel…Helwinny? Please go ahead.” — The call’s moderator. No, I’ve never heard of this Helwinny guy either.
3. “I just don’t like that I’m made out to be this evil person that needs to be shot down, or needs to be conquered, you know? What the fuck? If anything, I’m like the superhero coming in with the anti-bullshit. Give me a fucking break, are you seriously gonna stick to the bullshit forever? This is mixed martial arts, ladies and gentlemen. This is some boring-ass shit we’re watching, and we should see something new as far as I’m concerned.” — Diaz
2. “Check this out, motherfucker. I pulled up to a stoplight the other day, and some fucking 40-year-old lady, some soccer mom, sticks her head out the window and says, ‘I hope GSP beats your ass.’ We’re in fucking Lodi, bitch. I’m like, Are you serious?…I’m living in a fuckin’ small town full of people who hate me over here.” — Diaz
1. “I hope so motherfucker! If I had that much money, I’d be fucking pampering myself the fuck up. I’d be having motherfuckers pampering my shit left and fucking right. There’d be motherfuckers every hour, on the hour, showing up to pamper me out. Period.” — Diaz, interrupting brilliantly when a reporter asked GSP if he was “pampered.”