[VIDEO] John Dodson Goes on American Ninja Warrior, Somehow Loses

Every time American Ninja Warrior comes onto the only television with cable in my apartment (relax, it’s a big screen. A projection big screen.), my roommate scoffs at it and launches into a rant about how superior the original, Japanese version is. The same goes for Wipeout/MXC/Takeshi’s Castle and of course, Iron Chef. And while he’s undoubtedly correct in his assertion that the American versions of these shows are “padded down, pussified desecrations of a once noble culture,” I still give my respect to the contestants brave (or simply patient) enough to secure a spot on any of them. Except Wipeout. I’m convinced that morbidly obese troglodytes with tourrettes are the only people allowed to compete on that show.

In any case, former flyweight title challenger John Dodson recently made an appearance on the Americanized Ninja Warrior, and it’s a testament to how difficult the show is that he wasn’t able to make it past the first stage. This is one of the quickest fighters in the UFC — a 125-pound ball of energy with “ninja, Matrix moves” who regularly competes in such events as Tough Mudder – and yet even he was humbled by the imaginatively-titled “Grip Hang.”

Like his previous battle with Demetrious Johnson at UFC on FOX 6, “The Magician” put in a strong effort on Ninja Warrior but ultimately came up…short (*shimmies, shimmies*). My God, I have never felt so great about being 5’9″. SUCK IT, NERDS.

-J. Jones