Video: James Toney Says the Only Freak Show is Between His Legs

The more interviews I see with James Toney, the more I’m beginning to think the guy really believes that six months of sprawl training is going to give him the tools to walk through Randy Couture and subsequently earn him a shot at Brock Lesnar, whom he feels he will knock out with a lazy jab while adjusting his shorts. 

Juanito Ibarra is a helluva drug.
Ariel Helwani deserves a medal for getting through an entire interview with the International Boxing Association and North American Boxing Organization heavyweight champion without a single, “C’mon James. You don’t really believe that, do you?”

As a service to our loyal readers, we’ve taken on the arduous and painstaking task of transcribing the interview highlights. Luckily, I speak incoherent drunken hobo — a skill I picked up from years of court ordered community service charity work volunteering at local soup kitchens.
Here’s what Toney had to say about a number of topics.

On why he is making the transition to MMA from boxing:

“I like to fight. Here I am one of the reigning heavyweight champions [in boxing] and I can’t get the other champions to fight me, or anybody else for [that matter]. When I heard Dana White say MMA fighters are better than boxers, I had to put a hold to it, so that’s why we’re here.” 

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“He didn’t call me out, but he called boxing out. People were telling me this. When I heard that, I had to step up to the plate for boxing. I represent boxing. I represent old school; that’s me.”

On why he decided to stalk White:

“I wasn’t worried about getting signed. I don’t care about getting signed by nobody. James Toney is James Toney. I heard he was telling people on Twitter, ‘If James Toney wants to see me here, come here.’ So I just did what he didn’t think I was gonna do and when I showed up it kind of shocked him a little bit. There’s no animosity between me and Dana White…none at all. He’s a good dude; I love him. I love the UFC. I’ll always be a big fan of it, but if you step over the boundaries and say you’re better than somebody else, I got a big problem with that. So here I am to rectify it.”

On his non-sensical descriptions of what he knows about MMA including the “side-check kick”:

“I don’t know nothin’ about the sport. Tune in on August 28 to see how much I know about the sport. Tune in August 28 — pay your $59.95 or whatever you gotta pay for it — Tune in and watch and see how much I know.”

On whom he has been training with for the bout with Couture:

“I got my dad, King Mo Mousasi and a couple of guys…I don’t know… Antonio McKee — some good fighters and some good athletes and some excellent people.”

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On whether or not he tapped out King Mo in training:

“You ask King Mo. [If he said it] well then, it happened. I ain’t gonna lie to you. Rear naked choke, baby.”

On where his wrestling and jiu-jitsu skill set are:

“I don’t know jiu-jitsu. I don’t know wrestling. All I know is how to fight, period.”

On whether or not Couture was his first choice of opponents:

“You all here this guy over here? Do I rather fight anybody else? Man, look, I told Dana when I first came to the UFC I don’t want to fight none of these bums; I want the best. I wanted to fight [Brock Lesnar], but he was sick and I didn’t know that. So I said, ‘What about Chuck Liddell?’ He was sitting there all scared and nervous. I wasn’t gonna hit him there. And then Simba…or Kimba or whatever you call him…Kimbo Slice, but they ain’t want none of that. Then [Randy Couture] says, ‘I want James Toney so I can baptize him into the UFC’. Fine. Let’s do it. If fans out there don’t like me, that’s too goddamn bad. After August 28 you all really ain’t gonna like me because I’m gonna destroy your so-called legend. A guy with 12 losses is a legend. Ain’t that a bitch.”

On the farce that is the UFC’s Hall of Fame:

“That’s why y’all’s sport is so messed up. Like boxing or the NFL or NBA, you have to retire for four or five years before you can be considered a ‘Hall of Famer’. [Couture] has never retired and he’s already in the hall of fame. Ya’ll got shit backwards, but I’m gonna clean it up.”

On boxing being better than MMA:

“All day, I’m telling you. What you gonna do about it? August 28, find out.”

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On David Haye’s remarks about him being delusional for thinking he will be successful in MMA:

“David Haye’s a mama’s boy. He’s gay. It’s gonna be Randy, [then] David, [then] the ‘Bitchko’ sisters. It don’t even matter. David could have fought me by now. we could have fought October 10, but instead he’s fighting Audley Harrison. I’m not even thinking about him. If he has to go out of his way to talk about James Toney, damn, there’s something wrong with him. My mind’s on Randy Couture. He’s a great fighter and I ain’t got no animosity towards him. He’s a great fighter in this sport, but come August 28 it’s business and I’m gonna kick his ass.”

On White’s comments that Toney-Couture is a freakshow bout:

“Man, the only freakshow I got is between my legs. I don’t even think about that. I mean, Dana White, he’s good dude and we cool.”

On whether White’s remarks confuse him:

“Confuse me?! What the fuck?! Do I look like I’m blonde? It don’t confuse me for nothing. I’m gonna handle my own business. He can think what he want to think. That’s cool. Sideshow, sideslow, slideshow — whatever you want to call it. Tune in everybody August 28. Get all your friends together and go to one house, or better yet, go to separate houses and pay your $59.95.”

On his future in MMA:

“After I knock out Couture, I’m gonna defend my real heavyweight boxing title in October or November and then come back to fight in the UFC in January or February. It doesn’t matter. I’m gonna do it. I’m a two-sport athlete — the oldest man ever to do that.”